But my kids will be different!

Don’t you just hate it when you go out to a nice restaurant and some little kid is screaming and throwing forks? I mean, why don’t the parents do something about the child’s behavior? What about the kid flailing around on the floor in Target? Sometimes I just wanna go over there and yank ‘em up and set ‘em straight…

Because my kids will always be on their best behavior.

They will always have cute, matching outfits and clean, brushed hair. They will sit at the table and eat without making a mess. They will make funny comments and everyone will think they are just so darn cute.

They will sleep through the night their first month and be rosy cheek babies that coo and giggle all day. Did I mention that labor is going to be quick and easy? And no stretch marks for me!

My sweet, well-behaved children will have that baby smell and never mess up their clothes. They might drag out all their toys, but it’ll be so cute, and they’ll put everything back in it’s designated place – because the house will be perfectly organized – absolutely no clutter.

When they girls are older, we’ll bake yummy treats together and they’ll wear the cutest dresses and matching bows. The boys will play catch outside with their daddy and roll around toy trucks and trains and tractors.

Ok, I know that I’m loony boons. But, a girl can dream, right? Right? RIGHT? Ok, good.