Game Changing Yard Sale?

We’re having a yard sale.  It’s a life changing decision for us.  Ok, well the yard sale itself isn’t so much the game-changer… it’s the journey we’re on that is.

It all started with the Possessions chapter in The Seven Experiment by Jen Hatmaker.  I’m just going to go ahead and tell you a lot of this blog post is taken from her because she sums it up far better than I can.  

Side note: Jen, (is it okay if I call you by your first name?  I hope so!), don’t sue me for copyright infringement please.  We’re working for the kingdom here.  And people will want your book after this.  Amma right?  I’m right.  Ok.  Let’s keep going.

Let me go ahead and burst your bubble (ours were bursted at the beginning of this journey).

I wish I could make that image flicker. I mean, NEWS FLASH: I’ve never had to skip a meal because there wasn’t enough money.  I live in a house with a sturdy roof and heat.  I’ve never gone a day without health insurance.  I’ve thrown away food I didn’t eat, clothes I’ve hardly worn, trash that will never disintegrate…  Have you?  If your household makes $35,000 a year, you’re in the top 4% of the world.  $50,000?  Top 1%.

We are the richest people in the world, praying to get richer.  We are blaming “those at the top” for our problems.  Making excuses for not being generous, because “I don’t make THAT much money.”  What does it communicate to the rest of the world, when half the world's population lives on $2 a day, and we can’t manage to live fulfilling lives on $25,000 a year? (taken from p. 13 with some add-ins from yours truly)

Read Matthew 19:23:

“It is easier for a CAMEL to get through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Well dang.

Pause.  Hmm.  Ok.  Well… Wow.  Let’s see here…  Hmm.  ::Scratches head::  ::Fidgets in seat::

Let me be clear that Jesus is not saying that being rich is evil.  If you read the rest of the chapter (and other parts of the Bible), you’ll understand that Jesus is saying that riches are a distraction from what matters.  Riches cause us to change what we cherish...  What we should cherish.  Therefore, it is not easy for someone who is distracted by excess and who cherishes the wrong things to get into heaven.

Alright…  so maybe I’m being a little too spiritual for you… and that’s okay.  Or maybe you’re like me and we’ve just read that so many times that we’re almost immune from its persuasion.  Then how about this?  

Hatmaker just lays it out for us on p. 80-81:

“Do we hate the gross abuses money inspires over mankind?  Do we hate the whispers of greed and entitlement we see in our children, mirror images of our own affections?  Do we hate the comparison game money feeds off of?  Do we hate the inequity that gives our kids rooms jammed with possessions while 16,000 other parents will bury their starved children today?” [::jaw drop::]

---OR----  

“Do we hate these questions?  Would we rather spin this or twist this or shove it off on other people?  [Are you coming up with reasons right now about how this doesn’t apply to us?]  Do we hate being challenged to care for the poor, since they didn’t earn this money we worked for?  Do we hate the idea of parting with things?  Do we hate being called ‘rich people?’”

Let’s make a chart (actually, Jen made it for us, and she stole it from Jesus, haha!):

So our small group asked ourselves, how can we intentionally make choices daily to fall on the right side of this spectrum?  We can sell our stuff and give to the poor.  Choose to be generous when choosing what to give.  Live below our means… I mean, we don’t need errrr-ything.  We can give.  Intentionally choose not to buy something on the premise of “I’ve worked hard, I deserve this.”  Be simple.  Share, so others can do the same.  Always err on the side of giving more if we’re not sure how much to give.  This is what we want to do… so we started purging our stuff.  For seven days we got rid of seven items a day (which is a challenge in the book)... and then we had to figure out what to do with it all.  Some of it we just threw away (i.e. expired medicine, food, make up), some of it we donated to people we knew that needed it, and the rest… we need to sell.  Enter our yard sale. :)

Disclaimer time: Are we selling our houses and downsizing so we can be more generous?  Well, no, not at this time.  Do we still buy stuff?  Yes.  Guilty!  Are we becoming extra-crunchy granola people?  Maybe, maybe not. :) :)  This is a big elephant.  We know that.  The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

So, sweet friends, dear readers, our tribes, our villages… don’t you want to join us?  Purge your excess?  Sell your stuff and give to the poor?  Or maybe you just want to go shopping at our yard sale!  Maybe you’ve been looking for a new coffee table?  Consider shopping at our yard sale and then give the money you saved by buying our super cheap stuff to someone in need.  Or maybe give someone in need $30 to come shop?  I don’t know.  We’re just over here taking bites of our elephants… will you join us?

Get rid of 7 things each day this week (or 49 things in one day - whatever!)  It’s a lot easier than you think.  Then, donate your gently used stuff to our yard sale.  See our flyer for more details:

Matthew 6:19-21 says, “Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moths and vermin destroy… [i.e. the attic].  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven [...]  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  The eye is the lamp of the body.  If your eyes are healthy [read: generous], then your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eyes are unhealthy [read: stingy] then your whole body will be full of darkness.  [...] No one can serve two masters.  Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despite the other.  You cannot serve both God and money.”

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*In other words, if you click on the link above to buy the book, I make a small commission.  ALL money I make from this post will be given to charity, so go buy the book.  It'll change your life and you won't regret it.*

My Decision to Stay at Home

I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home wife, mom, and homemaker.  I know that there are all kinds of opinions on women who choose to stay-at-home vs. moms who work full-time, but that is not what this post is about.  This post is about our family and our decision for me to work from home.
Just to clarify, I do not think that one is better than the other... in fact I think it's something that's different for every family.  So that's that.

When I had Ava Kate, I so wanted to stay at home.  The night before my maternity leave ended, I sobbed on the couch.  We looked at our budget and I felt so hopeless because it just wasn't possible for me to quit my job.  Months later, the desire of my heart still had not changed.  I loved being a teacher and I love the people I worked with so, so much.  Ava Kate loved her babysitter and I did too.  All of these things made it easier, but nonetheless, I still yearned to be "just" a mom, wife, and homemaker.

The year after Ava Kate was born, we (Parker & I) went back and forth on whether I should leave my full time job or go back in the fall.  I could not make up my mind... he was fine with whatever I decided.  I mean, my heart wanted to stay home, that I was sure of... but my brain saw that the money just wouldn't add up.  We talked to trusted mentors and friends and family.  And we prayed.  Parker is so supportive and loving y'all.  Can I just say how much I love doing life with him?!?

Well, like I said, we prayed a lot and I started exploring online teaching.  I really hoped that I'd be able to teach enough classes for our county's online academy to make enough money to work from home last year, but we just didn't have the enrollment.  So... I went back full-time to the classroom and had a good year... but kept looking into online teaching.  I applied and was offered a job with NC Virtual Public School and then another county contacted me about teaching a course for them as well (Seemed so random, but obviously God was at work). You read right... Last school year I taught for FOUR places - full-time for SCHS and online for PCVA, NCVPS, and Granville Online.  It was A LOT of work... but I really enjoyed teaching online... and it paved the way for me to realistically consider quitting my full-time job.

Then, when I got pregnant with Eve, it was a no-brainer.  We weren't going to pay $1200 a month for daycare.  So, I excitedly told my principal that I was pregnant and wouldn't be returning... which was completely bitter sweet because I LOVE SCHS and the people I worked with... the most awesome coworkers ever.

When I was on the fence, I had many conversations with friends, mentors, coworkers, and family, the same words kept coming up from each of the different people.

I don't know how it works, but it just does.  (in regards to the money)

You can always get a job back, but you can't get this time back.

If I could go back, I would've taken time off when the kids were small.

God put this desire in your heart for a reason.

It will all work out.

Then, a friend posted this on Facebook one day.

Summertime is just a confirmation that this is the right decision for us.  I LOVE being able to play with Ava Kate and get stuff done around the house.  I LOVE being able to serve Parker by doing things for him during the day and meeting him for lunch.  I LOVE the freedom to pick my schedule... and still get to teach and work with students.

Now, looking back, I can see how God's hand was in all of this.  I see the scriptures that were on my heart during the waiting period... the ones that just kept coming up...

Be still and know.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (read: math skills and ability to plan things).  In all your ways, acknowledge me, and I will direct your path.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go.

We are assured and know that all things work together are are for good.

Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.

For nothing is impossible with God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...

Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I don't ever know how many students/classes I'll have from semester to semester, that's just the way online classes work.  It's nerve wracking waiting to see if I'll make "enough" money, but we've been able to save due to summer school classes and all the extra jobs last year.  Even with the uncertainty, I have a peace about it all.

I'm reminded of the second half of John 10 and stunned by the revelation (although I shouldn't be).  Starting in verse 24, the Jews are begging Jesus to tell them if he's the Messiah.  They say:

"How long will you keep us in suspense?  If you are the Christ, tell us plainly."

It makes me think of how many times I prayed almost the exact same thing during the last 2 years -Just substitute "If you are the Christ" with "If you want me to stay home," and they pretty much nailed it.  Then, if you keep reading...

"Jesus answered, "I did tell you, but you do not believe."

If you keep reading in John, it talks about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.  Despite the fact that he knew he was going to raise Lazarus, he waited for the right time... which was after Lazarus had been dead for four days.  He waited, despite Mary and Martha's plea for him to come right away.  He heard them, and he heard Parker & me... but not everything needs to and will happen right when I think it should.  Again, I find myself striving to be like Mary & Martha... they knew he would answer them and trusted it would be in his perfect timing and plan.

So, here's to online teaching (& lots of student enrollments, haha) and to stay-at-home mom life.  I'm so excited!

Oh my goodness.

Photo-A-Day Lent Challenge

Our church's youth group (which is awesome by the way) is doing a photo-a-day challenge for Lent.  I've decided to participate and wanted to invite you to do the same!  All you have to do is follow the schedule below and #Lent2015 #OakmontYouth.  It doesn't have to be a doodle... in fact, it should be a photograph (unless you don't have one you want to use).

Today's theme is "Who am I?"

Here's the schedule:

Although I believe that Lent in its nontraditional sense has become mainstreamed and almost fad-like, I do think it's nice to take a few minutes of the day to reflect and prepare for the celebration of Christ's resurrection.  Instead of "fasting" from sins and vices (which I think we should strive to do daily, not just during the Lent season), let's focus on renewing our focus and intentions towards God.  I won't post my photo-of-the-day on my blog every day, so if you want to see it, follow me on Twitter or Instagram!

2015 Resolutions

Every year, I make new year's resolutions and the past two years, I've based my resolutions on Bible verses.  I know how some people feel about new year's resolutions, but I really like reflecting on the past year and making plans for the next.  I've even done a post on how to maintain your resolutions.  Anyways, after lots of thinking, I've decided to make one verse a theme for the year.  Deciding to do that was an easy choice, but choosing the one verse proved to be pretty difficult!  As I was searching my bookmarks in my Bible and praying for a verse, I came across Proverbs 31.  I've read this chapter tons of times, but I've never thought about verses 25 & 26 in this way before... So, without further ado, my resolutions for this year.

She is clothed in strength and dignity.
This might be weird, but after stressing passive voice in my honors classes for two months, the grammar is the first thing I notice about this sentence.  You see, I teach my students that passive voice is problematic in formal writing because it leaves out the key detail of who is doing the action.  In this case, it's clear that the "she" is not clothing herself in her own strength and dignity, but that God has clothed her (read me) in strength and dignity.  While this might not be news to anyone, it's a mantra that I resolve to remind myself during all times of the year, whether happy, sad, stressful, busy, determined, or whatever the case may be.

She laughs without fear of the future.
The Message translation of this verse is "She always faces tomorrow with a smile."  I love this!  It says two things to me: 1) Don't worry about the future because God has a plan and it's better than anything I could possibly attempt to plan for myself, and 2) Smiling and having a content heart is a way to praise God by showing Him I accept and trust his plans for me.  In Jesus Calling, there is an excerpt that says "There should be a lightness in your step that is observable to others."  I resolve to have a content heart and trust God's plan for me.

Her words are wise and her instructions are kind.
Earlier in Proverbs, it says, "The Lord gives wisdom" (Proverbs 2:6), and this is the kind of wisdom I want.  I pray that the words I say are words that are kind and have God's backing.  I think that the instructions I give, are not just directed towards others (though as a mom and teacher, I give plenty of directions, haha), but also towards myself.  I have a terrible habit of "instructing" myself to accomplish ridiculous standards and to do lists.  I am slowly learning to give myself grace and know that I am exactly who God created me to be, and I will accomplish the things He has designed for me to accomplish.  I don't have to have a perfectly decorated and spotless house, the best wardrobe and style, and be the craftiest and most-put-together mom on the block.  It is better to be Mary sometimes, instead of trying to be Martha.  Therefore, I resolve to be well-rooted in God to gain His wisdom so that I can have kind instructions and words for others and for myself.

Resolutions for 2014

Happy New Year!  Last year, I tried something new - I created my resolutions around scripture to help shift my focus from me to God.  I really liked this, so I'm sticking with the same scripture, but adding specific resolutions for each scripture.  You picking up what I'm putting down?  Ok, here it goes:

1 - "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple."  1 Corinthians 3:16-17.

Drink 3-4 full water cups a day.
Drink no more than 40 mg of caffeine every few days.
Get more rest.
I have finally won my battle with caffeine -- even before getting pregnant.  I'm doing all of these things now, but I plan to keep it up!

2.  "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God."  Colossians 3:16.

Spend time in God's word every day.
Journal and/or blog about it.
Memorize scripture.
Live, breathe, think for God.
I got the devotional Jesus Calling for Christmas and I LOVE IT.  It is so good and perfect for me.  Over the last year or so, I've been learning from the Bible so much and I just want to stay thirsty for God's word.

3.  "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward"  Colossians 3:23-24
Make work (house or school) about God.
This past year has been much easier as a teacher than my first, but it is still easy to get caught up in the  never-ending-to-do-list of lesson plans, handouts, review sheets, making tests/quizzes/homework, presentations, grading, grading, grading, grading, cook, clean, laundry, grocery shop, repeat.  Last year I said, "God wants me to do my job for Him" and I want to stay focused on that thought.

4. "Love your husband and children, be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to your husband, so that the word of God may not be reviled."  Titus 2:4-5
Create a sweet nursery for our baby.
Be intentional about spending time with Parker and Baby Morgan.
Eat more meals at home.
Take lots of pictures!
Last year I said, "I want to be a woman that exemplifies Titus 2 and Proverbs 31.  I want to make sure our home honors Christ." and I still mean it.  This year, I get to add the role as mother and I cannot wait!

5. "Do not worry about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition and with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-9
Do not get stressed out.
Ask for guidance.
Listen to God.
There is a lot to get anxious about when having a new baby.  My devotion today said, "There should be a lightness to your step that is observable to others.  Do not be weighed down with problems and unresolved issues, for I (God) am your burden-bearer.  In the world you have trials and distress, but don't let them get you down.  I have conquered the world and deprived it of power to harm you."  I need to remember that God is on my side and He's standing right beside me -- no need to worry or stress!

Resolutions

Happy New Year!  I know that some people say that you shouldn't make resolutions because we don't keep them... yadda yadda... but I do make them, and I usually keep several.  I also fall flat on my face for several, too, but who doesn't want to try to be better?  I like recording my resolutions on my blog because telling people holds you accountable, right?  This year, I've decided to focus my resolutions around scripture to remind myself that it isn't about me, but it's about God's plan for me.

1 - "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple."  1 Corinthians 3:16-17.

More water, less caffeine.  Exercise.   Get good rest.  Eat healthy.
Caffeine and I have an ongoing battle, but I have gotten so much better at winning it since college.  I use to drink Mountain Dew like it was going out of style, but then my doctor told me I should drink only water.  I am not going to drink only water (ridiculous), but I will continue drinking water while teaching (I currently drink 2-3 large cups a day) and limiting caffeine to when we eat out.  I also need to start exercising.  The other two, I already do pretty well.

2.  "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God."  Colossians 3:16.

Make it a habit to read and memorize scripture...and live by it.
Enough said.

3.  "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward"  Colossians 3:23-24
Less work, more God, friends, and family
Anyone who has ever taught knows how easy it is to get caught up in the never-ending-to-do-list of lesson plans, handouts, review sheets, making tests/quizzes/homework, presentations, grading, grading, grading, grading.  I have worked my butt off through my first year and this past semester with a new curriculum  (pretty much first year all over again), but I don't want to lose sight of the importance of spending time with God, friends, and family.  God wants me to do my job for Him, but that is not the only job He wants me to do.

4. "Love your husband and children, be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to your husband, so that the word of God may not be reviled."  Titus 2:4-5
Make a comfy, loving home.  Be a wonderful wife.  Be self-controlled, but passionate.
I know some women will immediately take offense to "be submissive to your husband," but I know that Ephesians 5 also says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the Church and gave himself up for it and I know that my husband takes this verse to heart and lives by it.  I want to be a woman that exemplifies Titus 2 and Proverbs 31.  I want to make sure our home honors Christ.

5. "Do not worry about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition and with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-9
Do not get stressed out.  Ask for guidance.  Listen to God.
There are a lot of things on our horizon - a new home, starting a family, expanding careers, etc. and I don't want to worry about things.  I do want to take comfort in knowing whatever happens is God's plan and we listened to Him.

That's all.

Do you have resolutions?

Missing Mom

Thursday marked a month since Mom died. Mom died.  I still can’t believe it.  My mom died.  I wanted to post, but I just couldn’t.  I still don’t want to, but it’s time.

The Thursday before she died, Dad, Mom & I met with Dr. P.  For the 4^th time, Dr. P explained to mom that she was dying.  She didn’t understand how he could be so sure – she wanted scans.  She wanted to go home.  She hoped he was wrong.  He asked her if she was hoping for a miracle and she said yes.  She said that she believed in Jesus as her Lord and Savior and he asked her if she knew how many times Jesus walked on water.  Just once.  That was all He needed to do to prove His point.  Dr. P carefully explained that Jesus doesn’t perform miracles all the time, because he doesn’t have to in order to make a point.  He explained the 3 miracles he had witnessed in his own life as a doctor.  He prayed with my mom for a miracle.  Then, he prayed for us in case that wasn’t God’s plan.  Mom’s hope exceeded all hope.

For whatever reason, that night she finally understood what was happening for more than 5 minutes.  She talked about who she wanted her pallbearers to be, what she wanted to wear, who should officiate… she told us to take care of each other.  She told us she was sorry she had to leave.  She cried and grieved for us.  She also got her nails done – a gift from her Sunday school class (she had been begging to leave the Hospice House for a little while to get her nails done – God does believe in comic relief).

Friday was a good day.  I’m not sure that she still remembered the conversation from Thursday, but she didn’t talk about it.

On Saturday, Parker & I slept in and when we got to the Hospice House that morning, Mom was sleeping.  I took that as a good sign – she had slept the night before.  I asked dad how she did over night and he said that she had slept, but had been very restless.  Then, he told me her feet were getting cold.  It hit me so hard.  I knew it was coming – I’ve known it was coming.  I still was stunned.  She was awake later in the day, but she was never very lucid.  She was very agitated when she was awake.  Finally, that night, they put her on the morphine pump.

Aunt Kay & I stayed so Dad could take Weston home to sleep.  I don’t think either of us slept at all.  Mom’s breathing was noisy and I lay there counting every second between breaths.  Every time something changed, we asked the nurse if she thought we should call Dad.  She always said, “Not yet.”  Sunday morning around 7, the nurse came in to rotate her and said, “Call him.”  Mom’s body was clammy – overnight, her arms, feet, and legs had been freezing cold, but now her body was clammy.  We called immediately.  Dad, Weston, Parker, Grandma, Aunt Kay, & I all stood around her bed and said goodbye.  It was so hard.  Thirty minutes later, she was still breathing at the same pace.  The day went on and nothing changed.  My best friend, Amanda came and sat with us.  Sunday night, Dad & Weston went home to shower.  Within 30 minutes, the nurse told us to call again.  We did.  We repeated our goodbyes & tears.  Again, she kept breathing.  All of us stayed through the night.

On Monday morning, January 9^th, Dr. P came back.  He asked if we had questions.  How much longer?  It’s a dumb question, but how long could we listen to her “death rattle” as they call it… how long could we watch her fight… how long?  He couldn’t hear her heartbeat because of the rattling – congestive heart failure.  He also said that her pupils were dilated, despite the strong pain medicines – a sign that her brain was very swollen.  He said that eventually her brain would swell to the point that her body would stop breathing.  He also said that he didn’t think it would be something the nurses would announce – “Hey, it’s time,” but that it would be something we would just know.  Again, he prayed with us and for us and for her.  Specifically, we prayed for Weston.  I think Mom left us on Saturday night… but her body kept fighting.

Family and friends came.  We talked while we waited.  Then, there was a really long pause in her breathing.  Immediately, I told Parker to go get Dad (he was in the living room area).  Dad heard it and was already walking down the hall.  The nurse came.  We stood around and knew that it was for real this time.  She would breathe a few times and then stop.  Breathe, then stop.  As time passed, the pauses got longer and longer.  Within a couple minutes she was gone.

Amanda, Parker, Grandma, & Aunt Kay packed up her room while Dad, Weston, and I sat in the living room.  We went home and cleaned up – Christmas stuff was all over the dining room.  We met with our pastor that afternoon and with the funeral home that evening.  It was a daze.  Relief, but extreme sadness.  As my mother-in-law called it, I was in a “grace coma.”  When we got home, the house was full of family, friends, and food.  The next day, Aunt Kay and I went to pick out flowers and her outfit.  Wednesday was the funeral.  Beaty sang “Glory to God” – a song that summed up how we felt.  The song I sung and hummed to Mom while she was dying.  The song that I clinged to during those awful days…

Before the world was made
Before you spoke it to be
You were the King of Kings
Yeah you were, yeah you were
And now you`re reigning still
Enthroned above all things
Angels and saints cry out
We join them as we sing

Glory to God, glory to God, glory to God forever

Creator God you gave
Me breath so I could praise
Your great and matchless name
All my days all my days
So let my whole life be
A blazing offering
A life that shouts and sings
The greatness of our King

Take my life and let it be
All for You and for Your glory
Take my life and let it be Yours

I wanted to praise God, because His plan is so perfect.  He was with us every second and knew every move before any of it had happened.  I wanted people to know of His glory in all of it.

I understand why we use the phrase “my heart is broken.”  I feel like my heart is broken.  I understand why we use the phrase “my heart is heavy.”  My chest feels so heavy.  I grieve for our loss.  I miss her SO much.  I miss her for the future events in our lives.  I miss her voice and her touch.  I miss her laugh and her smile.  It literally takes my breath away at times.  I’m only 23 and I’ve become the “matriarch” of our small family.  It doesn’t seem right.  It’s not right.

I want so bad to call her.  I reach for the phone to call her all the time.  I know it is okay to grieve.  I know my emotions are normal.  I don’t think that it’ll ever be easier.

I’m so thankful to have had such a wonderful mom.  She was one of my best friends.  I’m so glad she was at our wedding – something I had prayed for for years.  Looking at the pictures, she was so happy.

It gives me comfort to know she is praising God in His presence.  How joyful she must be now.

Still, I miss her so much.

Speak Up!

Ever since I read The Purpose Driven Life, the idea that we need to speak up for God in other's times of despair has really been on my heart.  This idea is almost radical to me, because so many times we are told to "mind our own business" and "leave well enough alone."  Well, this is wrong and God calls us to speak up for Christ.  Proverbs 31:9 says, "Speak up and judge fairly."

The Bible tells us that we should not simply look the other way and hope it goes away on its own.  We should bring it out in the open and deal with it (1 Corinthians 5:3-4).  If we know people who have lost God's truth, we should not write them off.  In fact, we should go after them and get them back (James 5:19).  Losing God's truth is easy to do because Satan is alive and active.  Satan is clever and he knows how to make us believe his lies.  If we see this happening, we need to go to the person - not "mind our own business."  It is our business, because if one part of the body suffers, then all the other parts suffer with it (I Corinthians 12:26).

We do this because of love and with love.  Our strong love for each other will prove to the world that we are His disciples (John 13:35).  We are called to encourage one another daily (Hebrews 3:13).   We are told that "whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it.  Never tell your neighbor to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now" (Proverbs 3:27-28).  We are to "share each other's troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2).  Someone in despair should have the devotion of his friends (Job 6:14).

And finally, this means we must step out of our precious little comfort zone and be bold.  There will be times that people get mad at us or take it the wrong way.  But the Bible tells us, "In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery" (Proverbs 28:23) and that "An honest answer is a sign of true friendship" (Proverbs 24:26).

No wonder people complain about not "feeling" and "hearing" God.  He's probably trying to speak through us and we're to afraid to open our mouths.  We are supposed to be BOLD in Christ and STAND UP and SPEAK UP for Him!

Live for God

Lately I’ve been thinking about what it means to live 100% for God. The Bible says that if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will have salvation (Romans 10:9). But, confessing that Jesus is Lord is more than just speaking it. The word “lord” in a feudal society meant the one who provided for and protected his people. Those living under feudalism were expected to work for their lord (i.e. be in the military or manage the land), because without him, they would have nothing. The people completely depended on their lord.

In fact, even Satan has said that Jesus is Lord (Luke 4) and he fell from Heaven (Luke 10:18). To confirm this, the Bible says in Matthew 7:21, “Not everyone who cries out Lord, Lord, shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” So, confessing that Jesus is Lord is more than speaking – it is completely depending on and completely living for our God.

I can think of maybe 2 people that model what living 100% for God means. TWO people! And I am not one of them. It literally makes me sick to think that God’s own children are making excuses about their love for Him. I know tons of people – good people - that believe in God and follow Romans 10:9 – but they don’t live for God. They don’t eat, pray, walk, sleep, and work for God. God has told us that He’d rather us be hot or cold, but because we are lukewarm, he would rather spew us from his mouth (Revelations 3:15-16). He would rather vomit than have us live the way we live – half-hearted, only 60-70% living for Him.

The Bible says to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17), praise Him from sunrise to sunset (Psalm 113:3), worship Him continually (Psalm 34:1). It says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of the Lord” (1 Corinthians 10:31). Again, it says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as if working for the Lord, not for men” (Colossians 3:23). Make your bed for God. Study for your exam for God. Brush your teeth and praise God. Cook dinner, grocery shop, wash clothes, walk to the car as an offering to God. This isn’t a pray in the shower, pray before bed, sing praise songs in the car kind of relationship – it is a button your shirt, tie your shoe, and sneeze for God kind of relationship. Everything is about Him. Nothing is about us. It is ALL ABOUT HIM. That is how I think God wants us to be living – 100%, all the time, for Him.

I want to be like this. I want to do this. I want to be on fire for God ALL the time – every single second of every single day. Every breath that I breathe and every blink that I have – ALL THE TIME – 100%. I started by making my bed for God this morning. And now I told you, so I can’t change my mind.

How Great Is Our God

This morning, our pastor shared a video clip from a message given by Louie Giglio.  In all seriousness and honesty - it has changed and rejuvenated my faith.  Please, please, please, take the time to watch it.  It's long, but every second is worth it.  I just have to share it with you, its on my heart so heavy.  It is entertaining, funny, but more than anything, so moving.  It will touch your heart!  I was going to give a summary, but Louie says it so well, I would never be able to give it justice.  Please watch it.



Click here to see the following parts:
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Day 5 - I am thankful for..

On this wonderful, sunny Monday evening, I am thankful that God chose to use my family to share his glory. I know there is a greater purpose for my mom getting sick and our family having a rough several years... and I know it will serve God's glory. So even though there are days when I'm just sick of it all... today I am thankful that God saw something in us that he could use for his glory.

What are you thankful for today??

God Answers plainly

So, lately I have been wondering 2 things about faith and God:

1) Why does it seem like God is around more at certain times compared to others?

2) Why do we have to follow all these rules that the God commands?

I know that our relationship with God largely depends on how much time we put into it. But sometimes it seems like our walks are "dry" even when we are spending time with Him regularly.

I also know that God's commands are to help us, not to hurt us, and they are for our benefit. But sometimes they seem out-of-date and irrelevent, you know?

Often times when I'm looking for answers I ask God to "spell it out" for me because I'm so likely to miss it if He doesn't. Example: When I was leading a small group freshman year for the first time I asked God to speak to me about what to teach on. I felt like I was supposed to speak on Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, but I wasn't completely sold. So I asked God to "spell it out" for me... and that night I couldn't sleep so I was flipping channels on TV and Joel Osteen was preaching on that exact scripture. Thanks God!

Anyways, I had been thinking about these questions and amazingly enough, on Sunday, in the sunday school class that Parker & I recently joined, we read Psalm 19. It says:

"The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they display knowledge

There is no speech or language

where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world.

In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,

which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,

like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

It rises at one end of the heavens

and makes it circuit to the other;

nothing is hidden from its heat.

The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.

The statues of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.

The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous.

They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold

They are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.

By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.

Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.

Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me.

Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.

May the world of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock & my Redeemer."

Answers to question 1 & 2 in respective order. Thanks God.

Update on Mom's Scans

A step in the right direction....

The tumors are still there, but have shrunk some more since the Gamma Knife. One tumor is the size of a garden pea, one is the size of 2 garden peas (both in the back), and the other two (in the front) have black centers which means they are decaying/dying. Her brain is a little swollen, but the doctor expected it to be and isn't too concerned about it. He says that the tumors will continue to shrink and in 4 weeks she will have another scan. Then the team of doctors (radiologist, neurosurgeon, and oncologist) will meet again and decide a plan of action - if need be... I'm believing that they'll be gone. She still can't drive until the next scan, which stinks because I think she's bored out of her mind.

So I think I would say that we were initially disappointed because we were hoping for them all to be gone. BUT, I know that God is taking care of it and His timing is way better than mine. And I completely trust Him. And I know that He knows that we are receiving His healing and we'll receive it for as long as it takes!

So to God, I say, "Amen!" I am humbled by Your greatness, Your glory, and Your honor. I am disappointed because my plan doesn't match yours, but I am so thankful that it is in Your hands because I know that You heal, not me, not doctors, not procedures - just You. So, Amen.

Your love, oh Lord, reaches to the heavens.

Your faithfulness stretches to the sky.

Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains.

Your justice flows like the ocean's tide.

I will lift my voice to worship you my King.

I will find my strength in the shadow of your wings.

Your love, oh Lord, reaches to the heavens.

Your faithfulness stretches to the sky.

Your rigteousness is like the mighty mountains.

Your justice flows like the ocean's tide.

I will lift my voice to worship you my King.

I will find my strength in the shadow of your wings.

--Third Day

Dear Satan

Dear Satan,

Lately, I have learned just how conniving and evil you are. I have been mad at God when I should have been mad at you. You have grabbed hold of and attacked my family. I am sick of it and I am sick of you. I am disgusted. You will not fool me any longer. I kept thinking, “Why has God allowed my mom to get sick again?” “Where is God?” “What is He doing?” when He is the One that has healed my mom and protects our family. You are the one who has preyed on us. My frustrations were with God instead of with you. In my moments of weakness, you have deceived me and spoken untruthful words to me. My doubts, worries, and fears are not thoughts from my Lord and Savior, for He is good and desires good for His children. The Bibles says, “The devil has come down to you in great anger, knowing that he has little time.” Revelation 12:12 and I have learned how true this is. But, your time is up. As the Lord said in Zechariah 3:1-2, “I reject your accusations, Satan! Yes, I rebuke you!” So get away from my family, shut your mouth, and leave us alone. You are wasting your time. We have chosen to follow God. We choose good and not evil. In the name of Jesus, stay away from us. My God is and will always be victorious. We choose to be on His team, and you don’t stand a chance.

Daughter of the Most Powerful, One and Only God,
Laura

Curveball

Thoughts running through my head the last several hours:
- You've got to be kidding me.
- I can't freakin' believe this.
- God? Where the heck are you and what are you doing?
- I can't freakin' believe this.

Let me bring you up to speed. My mom has been experiencing some numbness in her right arm for several weeks and was scheduled to have a nerve conduction study... um, today. Last Thursday at the beach (which was wonderful by the way, we had a great time), she had a severe headache and some nausea. We just thought it was a sinus headache or something. Yesterday morning she woke up with a "litte black tadpole in her eye" (meaning she felt like something was in her eye...) It kept bothering her so she went to the eye doctor. The doctor was concerned about high blood pressure so they checked it out and it was very high. So an ambulance came and picked her up and took her to the ER. To find out what was going on the ER doctor ordered several tests - CT scan of the brain, blood work, EKG... - well, turns out she has 3 spots on her brain. Cancer.

Yuck. I hate that word.

So now she is in the hospital, getting more tests today - an MRI for one - and is scheduled to start radiation today. Her oncologist has been to see her this morning and is meeting with the tumor board today. She says that they have been seeing this in several breast cancer patients lately and that it has been very treatable. Yadda yadda.

Because of the tumors, her brain is swelling which is causing these symptoms (numbness, high blood pressure, headache, nausea...) They've given her Decadron, an anti-inflammatory, to help decrease the swelling and hopefully get rid of the symptoms. The radiation will help with that too.

Another oncologist came by this morning to talk to us. Apparently, the Herceptin (preventative treatment my mom had for a year and half) is made of large molecules that can't break through the blood-brain barrier so it is inadequate for brain metastases. While the rest of the body is clean, the brain goes without. He expects my mom's oncologist to have her go through radiation to shrink the tumors and use the Gamma Knife later, if necessary. There is also a new Herceptin drug in the form of a pill that does reach the brain that he expects my mom's oncologist will use. So... that is where we are now. My mom's oncologist is coming after lunch, the radiation doctor is coming around lunch, radation at 2:00 this afternoon, and MRI whenever they call her for it. We are sitting here at the hospital hurrying up and waiting.

I am mad and then I'm sad. I am strong and then I'm nervous. I am frustrated and then I'm worried.

We are in the process of spreading the word to our friends and family. If you want to do something, pray. Prayer is what we need the most.

I am...

A list-making, hard-core planning, good-book reading, beach-bumming, summer-loving, former cheerleader of 7 years. A party & shower hosting, Target-loving, craft-making, conservative-believing, daughter of two wonderful parents. A non-feminist, God-loving, cockroach-fearing, thoughtful-organizing, family-loving, girlfriend to a handsome man of almost 6 years. A chicken-eating, non-potato-liking, good-cooking (ha!), sewing-aspiring, picture-taking, best friend in a group of wonderful people. A children-loving, orange juice-liking, mountain dew-craving, UNC-loving, sister to one 10-year old brother. A color-loving, cute-dress wanting, wedding-infatuating, shag-dancing, corny-joke telling, pharmacy-working, future teacher.

But most importantly, I am daughter to the Alpha & Omega, Beginning & End, The I Am. The All-Forgiving, Omnipresent, Mercy-Providing, Grace-Giving, Lord of All Creation. Our God, the King. Holy, Loving, Faithful, and Perfect.

Without Him, I am nothing.

“But by the grace of God, I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain...”
1 Corinthians 15:10

Patience

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

It has been so clear to me lately that God is trying to teach me patience. I am not good at waiting. I like to get things organized, make a plan, and get things done. I am definitely a planner. (A list maker and a planner.) The problem with that is forgetting to make sure that my plan matches God’s plan.

What is so frustrating is repeatedly “hearing” not yet when I’ve done everything right. Waiting, waiting, waiting…, and not liking the person I become when I am impatient. When other people get what they are waiting for, after making rash decisions, through sinful means, etc. and I wait and wait and wait and am rewarded with a test in (more) patience... it stinks and it feels unfair! But, as a best friend (ahem...Katherine) reminded me once, when God finally agrees the timing is right to carry out His plan, it’ll be that much sweeter because I’ll know that I did it the right way.

God’s timing is perfect. His plans are perfect and because of this, each day I wait is for my own good. Even though I don’t always want to see that and I go through emotional roller coasters because of it… in the end, it will all be well because God pieced every part of His plan together perfectly with a loving heart and caring hands.

Ok, in case you need to read it one more time: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

So obviously this post was more for me than for you (as a reminder and an attempt to put things in perspective for myself), but I hope you can take it as a challenge to notice what God is trying to teach you right now!

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

...just for good measure :)

Score one for the Jesus music!

Recently I wrote a paper for my Religion & Culture class on Contemporary Christian artists crossing over into mainstream radio. I did a lot of research and found a lot of fascinating information. For focus sake, I divided Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) into two categories:

1) Blatantly religious (meaning it openly talks about God, Heaven, faith, etc.)

2) Ambiguously religious (meaning it can be on secular radio because it can be open to interpretation)

I focused my paper on the second category and talked about the growing popularity and acceptance of this type of music. Usually, proclaimed Christians that are not signed with Christian music labels sing these songs. For example, Mat Kearney, Creed, Lifehouse, The Fray, Switchfoot, etc. Anyways, these artists/songs/albums have been hitting the top of the Billboard charts over the last decade, while playing on Christian radio too. How awesome is that?

But, what is even MORE awesome is this: Did you know that 6 of the top 11 finalists on American Idol this season are self-proclaimed Christians? Yep! Danny Gokey, Michael Sarver (oil-rig guy), Kris Allen, Scott MacIntyre, Matt Giraud, and Lil Rounds all have said they are believers. Danny, Michael, and Kris all lead their local churches’ worship teams and Scott is a member of a gospel-quartet. Before coming on the show, Matt was previously in the Christian music industry and he has already released Christian albums. AND Danny, Matt, and Kris are in the top five now! Previous contestants such as Chris Daughtry, Ruben Studdard, and Carrie Underwood are also believers and have had cross-over songs – well, Ruben crossed-over completely into the gospel industry.

So what’s so great about this? Two things actually – 1) Clean music on secular radio = awesome! And 2) studies continually prove that the number of believers in America is on the decline and younger generations have the least. Well, who listens to pop radio and watches American Idol? Younger generations! Many of this generation's role models are believers and the music they sing glorifies God! (Sweet! High five!)

Score one for the Jesus music!

In a time where so-called “tolerance” rules over the nation, but Christians are mocked and dismissed for their “close-minded” views (did you see Miss America?), this news is awesome!

I could write so much more on this (only because I just wrote a paper on it), but that’s the gist of it. I thought it was pretty interesting so I wanted to share.

Rock on!

What's wrong with being "just" a woman?

In a discussion about gender in my religion class today, I was appalled by people’s views on women in religion. But before I start my rant, please know that though UNC is a liberal university, I think that many people here are “bandwagon” liberals. I think that many people here are afraid to speak out against the grain, which I find SO interesting since everyone thinks that being “liberal” is going against the grain. Anyhooo….

It is no secret that I want to get married young, build a home, and have children. I want to be a wife, a mother, a nurturer, and a homemaker. My priority will not be my career, though I plan to have one as a teacher. And that is okay. Sure, I go to a prestigious university and plan to graduate with a masters degree in 2011 and while I will be proud of my accomplishments, they won’t define me. I want to enter a covenant of marriage, and dare I say it, submit to my husband out of love and respect – just as the church does to Christ. What’s that? “Submit?” you ask, “but that’s not PC!” (Oh the horror! – insert sarcasm)

Why yes, I believe in submitting to my husband out of love and respect, because on the other side of the equation, he will honor me with his sacrifices out of love and respect. Oh, what? It’s mutual? YEAH! Have you read all of Ephesians 5? The rest of it says:

“Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.. Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. Man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one.” verses 25, 28, 31

So, my husband will make sacrifices for me out of love and respect, just as Christ does for the church. My husband will love me as he loves himself because we shall be one. Not 2 unequal parts of a whole – but one whole. We will love, honor, and respect each other – it’s a mutual thing!

Sorry, I got a bit off track there… but back to original rant…

Did you know there is such a thing as a “politically correct” bible? There is! All the places that once said Father (as in “Our father in Heaven”) have been changed to either Father-Mother or God. All the places that said “Son of Man,” now say “the Human One.” Even though I want to laugh at such ridiculousness, it really frustrates me. Seriously? Women and men are different! We were both made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and we are both fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). God didn’t just create men and women with different parts and of different names without a reason. It was intentional. It is okay to be different from men – men aren’t better than women, therefore, being different from men doesn’t make women any less better.

So, get over your need to be politically correct lest you offend someone. The sheer fact that you think that when something is not politically correct it might offend women, is offensive in itself.

My Redeemer Lives!

Glory to God! Happy Resurrection Sunday!

“He is not here; he has risen, just as he said.” - Matthew 28:6

I had a wonderful weekend at the river with Parker’s side of the family. Unfortunately, we totally missed the Sunrise Service on the river – apparently, they decided to make it a “First Light” service and we watched the sunrise on the way back to the river house. Nonetheless, it was beautiful. I loved spending time with Abi and Cody!

Oh, funny story! Yesterday, Abi and I were putting together a big ABC floor puzzle and after we finished it, we were pointing at and saying each letter. I’d point and she’d say the letter and it went something like this: A, B, C, D, E, F, G [Good job Abi!], H, I, J, K [right!], L, ‘em-nen-en-a’ Haha! Duh, “M” is totally short for “em-nen-en-a.” I mean, that is how the song goes… haha!

Yesterday, Abi played in her pool (brr!) and Cody fished on the pier. Candice and Jacob cleaned fish (yuck!). Last night Candice, Jacob, Martha Lynn, Preston, Parker, and I played Taboo – I regret to say the boys won :(

Here are a few pics from the weekend… (Look at that precious curly blonde hair!)

Anyways, I read Mckmama’s post today and just wanted to comment. She is SO right – Truth is not relative. Truth is truth. I don’t buy into the whole “I can believe what works for me and you can believe what works for you” thing. There is only one truth. Politically correctness, open-mindedness, tolerance, etc. – psh posh. If what I believe to be true is Christ died for my sins and was risen from the dead, and someone else believes that there is no God and no eternal life, only one can be true. I’ll take my chances. I know that my Redeemer lives!