A couple times before, Parker & I have been asked to sit on the "Married Panel" of our church's Pre-Marital session Q&A. We're always the "young married couple" and then they have a couple middle-aged couples and one or two long-time married couples. The marriages range from a few months to many decades and I feel like I learn just as much from the other couples' advice as those attending the pre-marital session. Here is a collection of the best 10 tips for a good marriage that I've put together after hearing the other couples and thinking of my own marriage.
Pray together.
While having your own private time with God is also important, there is just something about hearing your spouse pray out loud for you and thank God for you. Parker and I pray together every night before bed and it's so special because I can hear his praises and petitions to God, I can join him in those, and add my own. We pray for each other, our family, friends, jobs, major family decisions, and ask for guidance in the next day and coming years. It's a sweet time... and it holds us accountable.
Eat together.
I realize that this isn't always possible with some people's "passing in the night" schedules, but as best you can, try to eat your meals together. Most mornings we eat breakfast together and every day we eat dinner together. During that time, there aren't as many distractions (email, texts, TV, etc.) and we can talk about the upcoming day or share stories about the day. When we eat, there are no phones (as much as possible)... unless we're showing each other something on our phone when it comes up in conversation. It's not really the eating part that's important, but the chance to settle down and talk that is.
Go to bed together.
I know, I know. A lot of people think this is just crazy. What if the husband stays up late watching a game and the wife is ready for bed? Or, what if the wife is up browsing Pinterest and the husband's exhausted? For us, it doesn't matter. We go to bed together every night if possible. I might fall asleep on the couch or vice versa, but usually it goes something like "Ready for bed, babe?" "Yep!" (It helps that we both love sleep, haha!) Parker jokes that when we get in bed, I start talking non-stop, lol... but going to bed together gives us time to pray and then hang out for a few minutes without any distractions (no chores, no children, no TV, no phones, no work, no computer).
Greet each other.
We're not always the best at greeting each other at the door... but we both make a point to say hello as soon as one of us gets home. Now that I think about it, I almost always say "Welcome home babe!" and Parker says "Glad to be home!" Haha! I know that is cheesy as all get out, but I think the importance lies in the action - I stop what I'm doing for a second to acknowledge him, and he does the same. No one wants to come home and be completely ignored! You might need some down time to unwind without talking, hustle, and bustle... but I don't think anyone wants to be unnoticed after a long day away from home.
Dance.
Even if you're terrible at it, you should dance together. Dance in the kitchen or on the deck... or while you brush your teeth... whenever. Why? Because it's fun.
Laugh a lot.
At our wedding reception, we had all the married couples participate in the anniversary dance to see who had the longest marriage. My aunt & uncle won and the DJ asked them their advice for our new marriage: Pray together and laugh together... even if it's at yourself. So we do... laugh at ourselves I mean... and also at each other. Haha! Laughing, like dancing, is also fun, so do it as much as possible. PS. It helps if you have a funny husband ;)
Date.
Go on dates together! Be intentional about asking each other on dates and take them seriously. Plan them. Dress up for them sometimes. Get a babysitter. Do it regularly. We plan kid-free date nights once a month and do family date nights sometimes as well.
Hold hands.
Because even in the silence, you can acknowledge your love and show him you're thinking about him by touching his hand... or rubbing his shoulder or playing with his hair. This always makes me think of Chuck & Larry's marriage (you know
the movie??) when they pull each other's ears as a "sign of affection."
lol!! Holding hands (etc.) is also a nice way to acknowledge your affection for each other in front of others. Now... let's see who is going to go pull each other's ears in from of the friends.
Bahahaha!!
Praise and thanksgiving.
Tell him you're thankful for him. Better yet, tell him why you're thankful for him. Give him compliments, as simple as "You look handsome today!" or more specific. Even better... while you're praying together, thank God for him. He should do the same for you... and what girl doesn't love being flattered? :)
Just leave the dishes in the sink.
Sometimes, heck, who am I kidding... OFTEN times, it's easy to get caught up in the daily minutia (wash the bottles, pack the lunches, clean up after dinner, bathe the baby, fold the laundry, etc.) BUT, I'm a firm believer that sometimes you just need to leave the dishes in the sink so that 1) you can hang out together and 2) you can rest. Rest = less grouchy = better spouse. So every now and then, just let those (you fill in the blank) be. :)
It's important to note that none of the above tips are rules... just guidelines. While we strive to do all of them, it's not like we do them to follow "rules" we've made... it just is what we do. It's natural to us and it seems like that is the consensus among the other married couples on the panel. No one's marriage is perfect... but hopefully, everyone can have a happy marriage.
What advice do you have for "living your happily ever after?"
