Just to clarify, I do not think that one is better than the other... in fact I think it's something that's different for every family. So that's that.
When I had Ava Kate, I so wanted to stay at home. The night before my maternity leave ended, I sobbed on the couch. We looked at our budget and I felt so hopeless because it just wasn't possible for me to quit my job. Months later, the desire of my heart still had not changed. I loved being a teacher and I love the people I worked with so, so much. Ava Kate loved her babysitter and I did too. All of these things made it easier, but nonetheless, I still yearned to be "just" a mom, wife, and homemaker.
The year after Ava Kate was born, we (Parker & I) went back and forth on whether I should leave my full time job or go back in the fall. I could not make up my mind... he was fine with whatever I decided. I mean, my heart wanted to stay home, that I was sure of... but my brain saw that the money just wouldn't add up. We talked to trusted mentors and friends and family. And we prayed. Parker is so supportive and loving y'all. Can I just say how much I love doing life with him?!?
Well, like I said, we prayed a lot and I started exploring online teaching. I really hoped that I'd be able to teach enough classes for our county's online academy to make enough money to work from home last year, but we just didn't have the enrollment. So... I went back full-time to the classroom and had a good year... but kept looking into online teaching. I applied and was offered a job with NC Virtual Public School and then another county contacted me about teaching a course for them as well (Seemed so random, but obviously God was at work). You read right... Last school year I taught for FOUR places - full-time for SCHS and online for PCVA, NCVPS, and Granville Online. It was A LOT of work... but I really enjoyed teaching online... and it paved the way for me to realistically consider quitting my full-time job.
Then, when I got pregnant with Eve, it was a no-brainer. We weren't going to pay $1200 a month for daycare. So, I excitedly told my principal that I was pregnant and wouldn't be returning... which was completely bitter sweet because I LOVE SCHS and the people I worked with... the most awesome coworkers ever.
When I was on the fence, I had many conversations with friends, mentors, coworkers, and family, the same words kept coming up from each of the different people.
I don't know how it works, but it just does. (in regards to the money)
You can always get a job back, but you can't get this time back.
If I could go back, I would've taken time off when the kids were small.
God put this desire in your heart for a reason.
It will all work out.
Then, a friend posted this on Facebook one day.
Summertime is just a confirmation that this is the right decision for us. I LOVE being able to play with Ava Kate and get stuff done around the house. I LOVE being able to serve Parker by doing things for him during the day and meeting him for lunch. I LOVE the freedom to pick my schedule... and still get to teach and work with students.
Now, looking back, I can see how God's hand was in all of this. I see the scriptures that were on my heart during the waiting period... the ones that just kept coming up...
Be still and know.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (read: math skills and ability to plan things). In all your ways, acknowledge me, and I will direct your path.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go.
We are assured and know that all things work together are are for good.
Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.
For nothing is impossible with God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...
Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I don't ever know how many students/classes I'll have from semester to semester, that's just the way online classes work. It's nerve wracking waiting to see if I'll make "enough" money, but we've been able to save due to summer school classes and all the extra jobs last year. Even with the uncertainty, I have a peace about it all.
I'm reminded of the second half of John 10 and stunned by the revelation (although I shouldn't be). Starting in verse 24, the Jews are begging Jesus to tell them if he's the Messiah. They say:
"How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly."
It makes me think of how many times I prayed almost the exact same thing during the last 2 years -Just substitute "If you are the Christ" with "If you want me to stay home," and they pretty much nailed it. Then, if you keep reading...
"Jesus answered, "I did tell you, but you do not believe."
If you keep reading in John, it talks about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. Despite the fact that he knew he was going to raise Lazarus, he waited for the right time... which was after Lazarus had been dead for four days. He waited, despite Mary and Martha's plea for him to come right away. He heard them, and he heard Parker & me... but not everything needs to and will happen right when I think it should. Again, I find myself striving to be like Mary & Martha... they knew he would answer them and trusted it would be in his perfect timing and plan.
So, here's to online teaching (& lots of student enrollments, haha) and to stay-at-home mom life. I'm so excited!
Oh my goodness.
No comments:
Post a Comment